Monday, October 1, 2007

TIPPING 101

Okay, here it is. If you've happened upon this ranting of mine and you eat out at restaurant's frequently you may want to read on or at least pass this onto someone you think has no clue about the tipping process. First and foremost, if you are at a fine dining bistro or any restaurant for that matter and the server has finished their rattling of the specials for you, DO NOT ask what the prices are. It comes across as VERY tacky and makes your server think twice about giving you top notch service since you come off looking like a cheap bastard. Secondly, DO NOT interrupt your server while he/she is speaking. It's hard enough trying to remember how every special is prepared AND still feign a sense of humor when you interrupt us with, "Wow, that sounds amazing! How is it prepared?!" Well, I was just doing that you moron, until you rudely interrupted me! Keep your comments to yourself until we are done with our job. Just think for one moment, your server is working very hard at multi-tasking and the sooner he/she is done giving your table drinks and specialing you then the sooner they can get to their next table and either serve them drinks, clear off plates, bring salads, take an order, or greet and seat patrons coming in. 

If you can feel that the pace of the restaurant is somewhat hurried, then save your snappy, witty, funny, remarks that YOU percieve as snappy, witty, OR funny for another time. Being your server doesn't mean we are your court-fucking-jesters. We will be funny, witty and friendly to our guests that TIP us well. The rest of you that are clueless don't get squat. What we do is give you standard cold service. Also, be informed that some servers won't blink an eye to mess with your food or not wash their hands after using the bathroom. I personally don't condone this behavior but you should know they are out there.

Thirdly, if you come in armed with a gift certificate and/or coupon for $$$ off your grand total then make it your priority to TIP ON THE ORIGINAL TOTAL NOT THE DISCOUNTED ONE!!!!! So many people don't seem to understand this. Tipping isn't something that is subject to discounts. Tips are our livelihood. If your bill is $400 and your discount makes your $400 bill into $200 that doesn't mean you tip on the $200. If that's the case then we should've stopped serving your drinks and servicing your table once we've served you $200 worth of food/drinks. You tip on the ORIGINAL amount. We don't like working for free. I don't know anyone who does. People seem to like playing dumb on this one. You know who you are and we do too. 

In fact, one of my weekly blogging duties will be to post the names of the cheap fuckers who don't seem to get it. My fellow servers will see your name and percieve you to be the dumbass or tightwad that cannot grasp the fine art of what tipping is. Also, another note I wanted to touch on is wine service. Somewhere you've heard that you do not have to tip on wine service. Yes you do. We have to fetch your bottle of wine usually outside of the dining room into the "wineroom" or makeshift cellar a restaurant has, then either decant it for you or open it at the table for you and pour it, and YOU WON'T TIP US??? This is wine service. If you are one of those cheap bastards, then know this, we will DEFINITELY make sure that when you return whatever wine you are so desperatley wanting will probably-most-likely NOT be available. I'd rather save a gorgeous bottle of whatever it is you want to a table I KNOW will tip. 

So as a rule, always round your total to the highest increment and tip 20% on that total. If your service was less than stellar then tip 18%. Anything below that and you are an asshole. We always remember names and faces. If thats not reason enough to treat your server with respect via your tipping actions as well as common human decency then I would stay home and have your dinner at home. Cheers! Here's a little clip that sums it up with much humor...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM2coybME4M