Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Performance of Fine Dining

So week two at the Crab House seems to be going better than the first week but again not by much. They did finally got a clue and fixed some of the computer glitches we were having. The stress level is very high and it's beginning to take it's toll on many servers and customers alike. 

Customers aren't used to how long they have to wait for their meal. It's a longer wait at the seven o' clock hour since the computer in the kitchen is spitting out orders all at once. It's obvious they cannot handle it. However, Tom is in denial and wants to put the blame on the servers because it's easy to do. The computer has gotten better than the first night but in reality the whole system still doesn't work because it's too overwhelming for the kitchen to get all those orders in at once. 

Tom tells us at our end of the night meeting that we should tell our customers that "we are a performance of fine dining" as our greeting. Which comes off excessively pretentious. Also, our first customers at the five o' clock hour get their meals precisely 20 to 25 minutes after clearing their salads. So if those same customers return on another occasion only at a later hour they will be waiting upwards of over an hour to get their meals because the kitchen is backed up. Not because the chefs are massaging a customers filet. Customers will soon see how inconsistent the wait for their meals will be.

As each day passes I am beginning to hate my new boss with more vigor. I find it challenging enough dealing with stupid motherfuckers who don't know how to tip. Now I have the added pressure of working for a gestapo-like-manic for a boss. I think my days at the Crab House are very much numbered. 
Bitchy Waitress


Monday, January 28, 2008

Day 2

Last Saturday, day after Fridays disastrous opening our night was better. We took in less reservations so as not to be overwhelmed. It was better than the night before but not by much. Not to mention, we still have only two workable computers for 12 servers. Tom still is having delusions of fucking grandeur.

I end up with the last tables of the night in the lounge. One of them happens to be the boss and their friends and family. So my nerves start to get jangled because I have to wait on the boss and still not screw up my other six top. The bosses table orders drinks, appetizers, and dinners. After he eats, he holds a meeting for us lowly servers. I was unable to be there for the whole meeting since I had the last two tables. Apparently, one of the other servers tells me that Tom said: "I put too much blood, sweat, and tears to open up this restaurant to just have stupid fucking servers like yourselves fuck it up for me!,  if you fucking people can't understand the computer by Monday then consider yourself fucking fired!" So this is our new boss who in my opinion is a fucking stinking asshole if I ever met one. He thinks he can talk to his staff like we're a bunch of idiots and get away with it. That's okay, because when it comes down to it and push comes to shove I will wait until it's peak busy time at 7:00 on a saturday night and walk the fuck out.

I'm just going to wait it out for now. I'll stick with my day job and make it work if I have to. Tom also installed cameras throughout the restaurant. So now we have him walking around like a general asswipe telling us he has eyes in the back of his head and he's watching us. I sure do miss the way things were before. We came in at 4, did our tables, sidework and were gone by 9:30 - 10:00, now we are staying until upwards of 11 and 12 'o clock. Tom keeps telling us we are going to make tons of money but I don't think he sees what the servers are having to go through. I hate this place so much and it's making me more miserable by the fucking shift. I have to go now so I can put on a fake smile and work with my new megalomaniacal boss that probably has a microscopic dick.
Bitchy Waitress

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Cast of Misfits

So I've decided to let you into my world a little further by telling you the bunch of misfits I work with. So here goes.

Jen - a.k.a Miss A.D.H.D. poster child, and in desperate need of a valium to tone down her psychotic ravings and to keep her from hurting herself as she hurls herself about with heavy plates and runs with knives. All in all, she is actually alot of fun to watch, work with and she makes everybody laugh. She's got alot of great stories about her past and parties like a rock star. I love her.

Kristen - Sweet and very likeable this young girl is smart, works very hard and is easy to work with. I guess I like her because she always laughs at my jokes. She also reminds me of a very good friend of mine. 

Stuart - Everyone calls him Stu, this guy is new. He's very short, is in his forties and smokes about a thousand packs a day. His breath is so disgustingly putrid that anyone close enough to catch a whiff would immediately pass out and possibly choke to death from the fumes. He tries to be nice but there is just something very strange about this little man. I guess it's his constant frown he sports and the fact that when he speaks to me he always seems to be talking to my tits. Little pervert this one.

Lenny - A.K.A. mullet-man-burn-out-extraordinaire and sadly our "head server", i.e., we have to pretty much be nice to him or retribution in the form of shitty sections and sidework await. 
In other words, I don't like him.

Gina - I used to like Gina somewhat even though she was kind've strange. Right now however, is a different story. I suppose the new owners taking over have brought out some of my fellow servers true colors. This bitch is an unadulterated ass kisser. She's always got to be nearest to the boss when we get our specials so that she can nod in agreement and overuse the word "wonderful".  Another thing about her is her parents never taught her table etiquette. This nasty bitch eats with her mouth open and has huge choppers that trap chewed food in her enormous mouth. It's pretty disgusting to watch her eat. I will never tell her to check her nasty eating behavior since it's pretty much her problem. 

Mark - This useless twat is Gina's little brother and food runner. Since he is a food runner I will include him in this category since he's related to megachoppers. For some reason he thinks he's god's gift to women. I guess Gina doting all over him and always bailing him out of daily life happenings would make him a spoilt fucker. Perhaps his mother treated him the same. He's basically a slacker with a drinking problem and smokes an excessive amount of pot. I'm just waiting for the moment he pisses me off enough to justify clocking this twat into next week.

David - This one is just one of the girls. He's a serious flamer. He's somewhat pretty but can be a backstabber. I don't trust him and find him shallow and stupid. Then again, he's only 24 so he's got a long way to go. I usually just smile and let him drone on about his gay lifestyle. 

Tony - This one is also one of the girls but sadly he's still in the closet. He thinks the rest of us have no clue he's really gay. I do like Tony even though he has his strange ways about him (he coos like a pigeon whilst working, yeah, weird). He can be very meticulous and anal as a server. However, I do like him because he is genuine, sweet and very considerate. 

Ben - This guy is also new so I still am not sure what to make of him. He was initially hired to be a sommelier. I haven't seen much of him and when I have he's been one of us...a lowly server. He seems nice enough and is helpful. He's a bit nerdy but knows his wine. I like him...so far.

Cecilia - This lady used to work with a friend of mine at the White Orchid. So this one is new meat. I don't know her that well apart from her selling me some Mary Kay. She seems nice enough. However, she also seems to be having a harder time than the rest of us learning the new system. She's very obese and the other servers are beginning to say negative things about her. I feel a bit sorry for her and I try to help her when I can. 

Tammy - This one used to go out with Mark (useless twat). She can be nice enough but can also grate my nerves. She's too happy-go-lucky in a very annoying way. She perpetually sports a stupid grin and has a forehead the size of Brazil. She acts like a know-it-all and is a serious professional server. I also don't trust her, it's just a feeling I get when I am around her. I'm going with my instincts on this one.

Peter - This guy is cool. He's honest and trustworthy. Plus, he hates Lenny just as much as I do!
(slight drinking problem)

Renee - Columbian chick, likes to have fun but complains alot. So far, I like her. 

Maria - This mexican lady is very sweet and works harder than the whole lot of us. She speaks very little english so I get to practice my dwindling spanish on her every night.

Chef/Sous Chef/Cooks:
Jose - This mexican born cook was the right hand to the previous head chef. He's now one of the three cooks that assists the current head chef. He's very sweet and considerate and often tells me in spanish what he really thinks of the overpaid assholes he now has got to work with. 

Consuelo - Very cute mexican girl with limited english skills. Works very hard much like Maria and is our salad/dessert preparer.

Derek - A.K.A. shit-for-brains-previous-chef. This asshole with an oversized head was our old chef. He was the bitch that threw our old manager Robin under the bus. He's now just a cook. He actually has to do some work. I love watching him sweat. His only other duty is to tell the staff the specials since the head chef doesn't seem to have any communications skills.

Skip - This cook is new and I don't know his real name. He's oldest of the bunch and seems to be very nice. I'm hoping to make good friends with him so I can get him to sneak me some food.

Chris - This is our new head chef. Apparently, despite his old drug abuse with crack cocaine and drinking like it's going out of style, this old burnout managed to get under the good graces of owners Sheila and Tom. His food is exceptional, I will give him that. However, his communication skills are very poor. From what I heard, Sheila and Tom bailed him out of jail bought him an SUV and helped him get his life back together. They must have really believed in him. I however, don't trust him, there's just something behind his beady little eyes that tells me to watch out for him. 

Howard - This old guy was supposed to have been demoted to sommelier. He used to be one of our managers when we were 'the grill' but now most of his duties entail being a host and helping the servers with wine. This is the guy I had also referred to in previous postings as dragon breath or DB for short. He has some pretty rotten teeth in his mouth so his breath is disgusting most of the time regardless of how many mints he pops in his mouth. I think he would need something with the power of a grenade explosion of mint in his head for anything to really work. I don't trust him but I play the nice game with him just to be safe.

So that's it for now. As you all know the service industry is a revolving door as far as employment goes so these characters may and will change. 
Bitchy Waitress

Friday, January 18, 2008


Opening night at the Crab House was in one word a disaster. It started off where we all (servers) had to arrive at 3 PM to start setting up for our 5 PM opening. They didn't feed us which was shitty since it was our first night. It was only sign number one of the hellish night we all had in store for us.

So our first seating goes off without a hitch despite the myriad of screens one must maneuver for placing just one order. It was very time consuming for each server. Now here's the best part, we only had convenient access to only two computers with 12 servers! So naturally, when they started taking in all the 7 o' clock customers for our second seating the computers crashed and so did our confidence, tips and ultimately our service. 

The kitchen was basically at a stand still. There were so many servers waiting for their food that it was a complete cluster fuck for a solid 3 hours. Five tables walk out, customers are served the wrong entrees, customers at the bar are getting antsy for their drinks, the head chef walks out during crunch time to get his head together. It was quite possibly the worst opening I've experienced as a server. The lines to use the computer was just ridiculous. 

It used to be so much easier the way we had before. I sure hope things do get better. I pray that they get their heads out of their asses and realize how inefficient their system is for the servers and the back of the house. I'm afraid what Gordon Ramsey would have said if he could've witnessed the sheer ridiculousness of the "new system". I think they should have waited a few more days to iron out the kinks and do a test run with the new computer. 

I'm exhausted and am in much need of an alcoholic beverage. My hopefulness and excitement I had before has dwindled into confusion. Maybe tomorrow will be better...I pray for my sanity it does.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Being Nice

Yesterday afternoon I left the office early to meet with my new manager Heidi to discuss my schedule and pick up my check. What I find is chaos with people everywhere including some of the servers either painting, hanging curtains, signmakers hanging up our new sign and Heidi on the phone with tech support to get the new computers up and running. 

Since I have to wait until Lenny works his magic to fetch my check I help the gang with moving all the chairs outside. After we are done with organizing the heavy chairs outside we all mill about waiting to get our tip checks from the weekend. 

"So Jen, you said you've been here since 10 A.M., are they paying you?" I ask.

"No, I'm just doing it to be nice." Jen  replys. 

"Well being nice doesn't pay the bills"

"Well when I used to work for Tom, I know he really does appreciate it even though he doesn't quite show it, he'll definitely remember."

"Really?, is that why he fired you?" I say.

"Shut up!" As she says this she turns on her heel  and whips me with her ponytail in the face. 

Jen once worked at Theo's with Tom and he fired her for reasons I'm not quite sure of. I hope for her sake he appreciates her pro bono work. I would've happily done some free work if they had provided some food from the new menu like they had planned. Since they aren't then I'm not available for free work period.

Free Time

So I get this phone call this morning from Lenny (a.k.a. Mr. Mullet man) asking me if I have any free time to come over to the Crab House (our new restaurant) and help set up for Thursdays grand opening. First off, let me begin by letting you all know that this monumental burnout was given the title of "head waiter" simply because he used to work with Sheila and Tom way back when they owned Theo's. Not because he's really that great of a server nor does he even look polished. I've watched him at work very closely to see how he handles his tables. What I found was despite his scraggly hair and disgustingly overgrown third trimester belly I honestly didn't find him nor his service memorable. Aside from a mirror, I am sure he hasn't been able to spot his dick in ages. Anywho, given the fact that I am working at the office during the day it leaves me with little "free time" to go and help at the Crab House. 

If Sheila and Tom didn't get enough staff to help them open up the joint, they can't expect people who have day jobs to drop everything and come help them move around tables. Not to mention they cancelled our food/wine tasting session we were supposed to have wednesday night. They said they're just not ready. I think they might have their heads up their asses. How can they expect the servers to sell the new dishes on the new menu? So needless to say, I won't be giving up my free time when I can use up that extra free time fucking my boyfriend sideways which would be much more fun than moving stupid ass tables.

Whatever, like I've said before every single restaurant has the same old bullshit. I am however, looking forward to how "chef" from our rival bistro "The White Orchid" will react. Once upon a time, I worked at The White Orchid and made loads of money but with a price. I had to deal with working with profoundly egotistical, and pretentious posers who didn't have a clue. I hated every minute I spent working with them. In fact, I would've sold my soul to the devil just to end my miserable employment there. Either way, Chef will be sweating The Crab House. I have a friend at the WO and I will happily give her the 411 on how well we will be doing. The CH easily seats 100 and possibly more with our outside tables. We are so bringing them down.

So the moral of the story is that at the end of the day, after a long hard day at work, all my extra free time I have left, I would much rather spend getting boned by my boyfriend.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Goodbye Early Bird!

Thank goodness the early bird menu is over! hallelujah!!!! Tonight was our last night operating as the old grill and come next weekend we will unveil the new joint. Everything thankfully is ala carte and our chances of upselling and making more money will be greater. Dragon Breath has been demoted from manager to sommelier. Hopefully someone clues him into brushing his teeth or gargling with a gallon of mouthwash. Our clientele will probably be more varied than just the usual cantankerous old people that are cheap and take five hundred years to order. Hopefully we can get a more younger hipper crowd if there is such a thing in Vero Beach. I'll even welcome the idiotic trust fund babies. Surely, they'll have more of a clue on tipping do's and don'ts. I'm feeling hopeful believe it or not!